Why We Must Support Our Gold Star Families
In a welcome bipartisan effort, on February 1, 2022, two lawmakers introduced legislation that would honor the millions of Americans who have lost a family member in military service. Senator Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) and Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts) are advocating for a new federal holiday to recognize the sacrifice of these families. It would establish a 12th federal holiday, much like Veterans Day (November 11) and Memorial Day (the last Monday in May). Under this proposal, Gold Star Families Day would be the last Monday in September. Many are saying this would be a commemoration that would be unifying and positive—and much-needed.
The proposal of this legislation highlights an often overlooked group who have sacrificed so much for our nation: the families of those who have lost loved ones in service to our nation. While there is so much that divides us as a nation, supporting our Gold Star Families is something that every American can agree on.
The most moving and meaningful three-plus years of my 26 years in the United States Army were those I spent in Casualty Affairs Operations at Dover Air Force Base while assigned to the Pentagon. My first job there was to be the project officer to totally redesign the Casualty Notification System for the United States Army. How family members are notified when a loved one dies serving our country had not been updated in decades. We carefully looked at who notifies the family, what they say upon arriving at a home, and what assistance is offered when a family makes what is the ultimate sacrifice for them: giving someone precious to them on the altar of our nation.
For three years, my daily duty was to greet families who came to Dover, Delaware, for the final homecoming of their loved ones. I spent time with them, listened to their stories, looked at family photos, and helped to coordinate the military benefits they needed. Finally, the families were escorted to the flight line where I had the high honor of being a member of the official party who took flag-draped transfer cases off of an airplane that contained the bodies of the people they loved—but would no longer be able to see in this life. I never stepped onto the tarmac at Dover Air Force Base without the feeling that I was stepping on holy ground. I was aware of the sacred duty and touching privilege of—for a brief moment—walking with these family members in one of the most difficult and poignant moments in their lives.
Many people do not understand the term Gold Star Family. Many mistakenly think it is a family that has someone serving in the armed forces. Those families sometimes have a blue star bumper sticker or flag. But Gold Star Families are those who have lost someone in a service-connected incident: a son or daughter, a husband or wife, a sister or brother, a mother or dad, and so forth. Many of the deaths occur while deployed or serving in a combat zone. Others die in training accidents. What many Americans do not always understand is that military service, by its very nature, is often dangerous—in times of war or peace. Every person who raises their hand and takes the oath of military service is expressing a willingness, if necessary, to die for their country.
When a person has someone die on duty as a service member, the grief is palpable. Our nation goes to great lengths to honor the service member and their family. But no amount of honor, comfort, or tribute can take away the deep sense of pain and loss. I often told Gold Star Families that they would get past this experience—but that they would never truly get over it.
On the other hand, I usually came away from my time spent with these new Gold Star Families amazed at their patriotism and love of country. Even in the middle of their grief, they would speak with pride of their loved one’s service and with deep gratitude for the United States of America. They would reach out to me and other members of the team at Dover, and I was always moved by their words of care and concern for us and our duty there. But I always witnessed, as well, some of the most profound sadness I have ever seen. It was unforgettable.
For the new holiday to become law, the legislation must be approved by the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate. Because of the extensive list of issues and priorities before both chambers of Congress and a shorter legislative calendar because of the midterm elections in November—the bill may be delayed in being considered.
Regardless of whether it is this legislation or something else, it is imperative that we support our Gold Star Families and honor these fellow-citizens who gave to us the gift of the sacred life of their loved one. May God bless and keep our Gold Star Families.
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